I know It ain’t easy To be alone All the time You know This road has tough on me But I stand strong, even without you beside me You ran off When things got heated You got scared and I felt cheated But someday You’re gonna know how it feels Some day You’re gonna stand where I am Some day You're gonna look back on all this and think of all the times that you miss But I’ll be gone Living that life you thought you’d regret Gone Never to be seen by you again I’ll be gone And when you come running back Just know that you were wrong And I ain't sad Cause you're the one that lost it all I’ll be good I don’t need a man to catch me when I fall And one day I’m gonna find someone real One day I’m gonna prove you were wrong about me One day One day, one day

make a decision. leave tonight or live and die this way.

It's that "crossroads" time in life again. I guess when you're old this part comes a lot more often, huh. Nobody tells you that when you're young, that life is just one big transition. I guess one would think because of all the changes I've already had to go through in life, these unexpected curveballs life is throwing at me shouldn't be too difficult to deal with anymore. Well, that my friend is a flat out lie. I feel like each time it only gets harder. I know what to expect, sure, but that means I know i'll be unhappy for an undetermined amount of time before I finally feel settled again. But even that is a tricky thing with me, being settled. I feel as though I never quite am. Maybe for a while, but its always very temporary. But thats life right? One big transition. Here I am, babbling and bitching like always. And on the world wide web, I never learn. I guess I'm just scared. And the worst part is, I don't even know really of what. Of change? I know eventually it would be fine. Losing people? Always, but thats inevitable. I knew it would happen some time...
And here I am, stopping my train of thought again. Maybe if I just let myself think things through, all the way, then I would finally find some peace of mind. But I can't do that, at least not yet, because in my eyes that would mean acceptance and I'm just not ready for that. Its funny, I try to run from my own thoughts. I guess thats what stress is, refusing to deal with your own self. But we all know thats impossible thats why eventually i'll suck it up and deal with my so called life but for now, i'll put it off just a little bit longer.

its simple, kill the batman

why so serious son?

happy halloween 2010. 

i am writing this in the year 2008, apparently 2 years before you read this...

i wonder i'll be in my life when this is finally posted.

am i happy? i should be in college, that is if ever get in.

that is if i ever finish my college applications :)

so many things for me to wonder. 

and its crazy how uncertain and exciting the the future is, but once you actually get there

all the fears you felt, doubts you had, or expectations to believed in- those don't seem to matter anymore. they become insignificant and somewhat silly. 

when i look back on things i have written the past i often find myself saying things such as "i was so stupid then. look how pathetic? why did i even write this, this is gay.."

and as much as i do it, i i still hate it for then ever. even though things from the past may later seem ridiculous or bring back memories i have wanted to forget since- those things at one point in my life were important to me- more important than anything else.

those things were factors in molding me who i am today. so future note to myself- never say something you once believed in, loved, hoped for, or dreamed of is stupid or ridiculous because no matter how much you may want to deny it- its all a part of you whether you realize it or not.

i hope you are happy with where you are and living with no regrets and even if you do- let them go. what's done is done and it those things you have or haven't done have taken you to where you are now.

embrace the past and happy halloween! 

now for my 2008 thoughts on halloween 

don't say this is stupid my 2010 self :)

_______________________________

if you think about it, halloween is a strange time.

the costumes, the candy, the jack-o-lanterns, and the overall "fright" of it all.

originally starting out as a holiday to ward of "evil spirits" it has spiraled into a well known commercial event. 

why is it we are so fascinated with gore and terror this time of year.

i hate being scared, but i seem to seek out fear on halloween

i dislike the dark, but i prefer it on october 31

i despise being uncomfortable, but i would gladly sacrifice comfort to have a good costume for the occasion

and why is that? i really can't tell you the answer. 

today i dressed up as the joker, of course. the love of my fictional life. 

i am pretty sure we are going over to ashleys tonight to watch the strangers.

crazy scary supposedly.

well. happy halloween future self 

i hope this actually posts in 2 years

and i hope i actually get to read it.

ps never forget you rule :)

i'm glad i didn't die before i met you

i don't normally post songs that i write actually, more like i don't share with anyone the songs that i write but i suppose there is a first for everything so without further due
the latest:

He said don’t worry baby, just take my hand

We’ve made it through the rain and the mud

Maybe one day we will understand

But this love, it just won’t give up

Because no matter how hard we try

We just can’t seem to say goodbye

Goodbye to you and i

Always putting each other down

From the start its been stop and go

Always waiting for you to come around

You’re more difficult than anyone I’ll ever know

But there is something holding us together

That no one can quite explain

I guess no matter how hard it’s been

It’s a love that’s worth all the pain

Because no matter how hard we try

We just can’t seem to say goodbye

Goodbye to you and i

There are times where I thought I had lost you

And lost was just what I was

But for some reason, no one else will do

And just when I was doing so good

I can’t even count all the tears that ive cried

But then again, neither can you

I can’t even tell you all the times that we’ve tried

But then again, neither can you

We know it’ll never be easy

But really what more can we do

When no matter how wrong it all seems to go

The right answer has always been you

Because no matter how hard we try

We just can’t seem to say goodbye

Goodbye to you and i

And oh here we go again

My hopeless heart on a string

With just one tug from you

And we’ll be back at the starting line

For I don’t think this race will ever end
you have such a hold on me
Its like my heart strings are tied to you
and i'll never break free

Because no matter how hard we try

We just can’t seem to say goodbye

Goodbye to you and i

the best is upon us

we make mistakes, do things we regret, we overreact, and every other messed up thing inbetween.

but life goes on, it always goes on no matter what you do or what happens.

i so waste much time, i hold back from things i really want

but for what?

theres nothing stopping me so why do i continue to stop myself.

capre diam.

we may not know where tomorrow will take us but thats why tomorrows are so great

just remember life is for living

and although we may feel afraid, its alright

just never be afraid to find that awakening we are all searching for

oh celebrate we will because life is short but sweet for certain

my attendance is bad but my intentions are good.

well i am in econ on the first day back from spring break

 i usually don't post things like this but i would just like the world to know that school is gay :)

babytay says hi. and that he thinks blogging is super cool. he really does.

there's beauty in the breakdown

what do you do when people say things you don't expect. when the past comes back to haunt you and now matter how hard it is- you are forced to look it in the eye. how do you break someones heart while at the same time try to protect your own? if only life could be fair, if only it was a recognizable pattern. but what would life be if it was predictable, without reckless action or when it comes down to it, the truth, no matter how difficult it can be.

do what you want and say what you feel
isn't that my new life motto
just nine simple words, so why is it so hard to do?

i thought i could get over it

counted on overcoming it

and i hate to admit it

but my mount everest is bigger than ever.

this is completely unrelated to the above statements

but its just, everything is coming to a close so quickly.

a new beginning is around the corner

and i can't help but wonder who will be there with me to start over

once this chapter has reached its end.